Word manglers & uninventive word inventors

A woman in my company. Oh dear GAWD. Yes, I am mean. Yes, I am laughing at her. Yes, I am mean.

She was speaking to a client on the phone about an injured person who had sustained a rotator cuff tear.

Word Fucker Upper: "I just got the report from the doctor and he got a rotary cuff tear ... " then later " ... yeah, a rotation cuff tear can be serious. He could be encapsulated for a while."

Today, she said,

"I can't believe we have been paying him since MARCH of 2004. We went beyond the pay without prejudice period and I am so mad. Gayle, I am fumigated."
She: "How do you spell VALDILITY?"

When she explained, I and said patiently,

"You mean validity." And then I spelled it for her.

She said this just before I left and I was SNORTING all the way down the stairs:

"Oh, yeah, no problems. Everything is Kaopectic."
Know anyone like this? How do you tell them? I wouldn't know to begin to address this since it's so random. Shockingly random.

Contributions:

*They ARE everywhere. Our benefits manager is HORRIBLE. In our staff meeting today, he kept referring to a "smathering" when he meant "smattering". At least I think he meant "smattering". I guess it could've been a "slathering". Now I have quantity confusion.

*We have a lady in our office that can completely screw up the English language. The other girl & I just cut each other knowing looks and smile. We would never want to hurt her feelings, but check some of this out....

birfday - for birthday
dest - for desk
worstest - I'm sorry folks, no matter how you look at it, this is not a word.
mammy-o-gram - instead of mammogram.

There are several more but I can't think of them right now.

My FIL always says plasket for plastic. Cracks my kids up. I'm so afraid he's gonna figure out what they're laughing at!

And the people that really get to me are the ones that say they are going to 'Warshington, DC' or they are going to 'warsh the dishes', sorry folks, no 'r' in either of those words.

*My youngest sister's boyfriend says that...lol! Hey, can I axe you something? I always respond, if you "axed" me again, I'll bleed!

He also says: I'm about to hit the skreet running..lol! More of his famous words (family favorites): "Bacept and Likeded." He has this nifty and uncanny way of combining words to form his own vocabulary!

Talk about deep country boy! Sweet as pie though!

*A friend's ex's new wife says

cellurlite

Rothweiler

mathrimony

banure!!!!

hearst (hearse)

Friends 13 yearl old daughter said *fraternity clothes* instead of maternity. We howled Poor kid.

*A girl I used to work with was constantly *****ing up her words. The two I can remember are:

"Okay ma'am, I have your appointment scheduled with Dr. Kurpatrick (supposed to be KIRKpatrick) for a puhcedure."

She was on speakerphone once and the lady on the other end actually said "Puhcedure? What's that?"....

*I work in a print shop and most of our account managers pronounce asterisk ass tricks. I tell them I ain't doin no ass tricks for them unless I get a raise.

*P Diddy can't say strength. He says strenf. Drives me batty.

*My ex-boyfriend was a real dumb a$$...I mean...he was cute, but dumb as a brick. Anyway, these are a few of the zingers he said in the duration of our relationship...

# Well, I could stay at my job, get a good DAPPOART with my boss... #

Excuse me, WTH is a DAPPORT? Where I come from, it's rapport...

# Well, you guys are so closed-minded to the fact that deer are a real problem in the woods#

Ummm...I hope we're not close-minded. I think he meant "closed-off."

Ladies and gents, this is what happens when you don't use your brain efficiently.

*OH MY GOD, I was just thinking about this the other day!! I have about a thousand.

1) "I'm going to make a pack with myself." PACT! PACT!

2) Irregardless...I'm from Boston where that whole ugliness originated...god it makes me want to strangle.

3) eXpresso...there is NO X IN THAT WORD.

4) My dog's name is Sora, but some people insist on saying Zora. S! S! S is a different letter than Z!!

5) "SAD-dam" (as in Hussein). It's sa-DAHM. It is not clever, or insulting to say it wrong. It merely makes you look ignorant

*BF always says 'taunt' when he means taut. "Pull the rope taunt" Pull the rope, then tease it?