Finger Lickin'

When I print something in my office, I have to knock over chairs, crawl over desks and elbow anyone reaching out to pick up any documents from the printer.

Why?

Because so many people lick their fingers with enough saliva to actually dampen the pages of the documents as they flip through. I mean, stick your finger(s) wherever you want, just don't touch my documents with the same finger(s).

And why would you want to lick your fingers anyway after having pressed the elevator button, entered a key code, touched the door handle, typed on your keyboard, rubbed your nose and Gawd only knows what else ...

Lick on.
Hah. Some friends responded in this way:

1 - Ooh ick! That bugs me too.
DH does this when he reads the paper and magazines. A couple of weeks ago he was sick and sitting at the table at breakfast reading the Sunday paper, licking and turning away. I couldn't take it and finally WENT OFF on him. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it did make him laugh and make him aware of how gross he was being. Sheesh!
I think a nice big sign over the copier at work is in order for you: QUIT GETTING YOUR SPITTLE ON MY DOCUMENTS OR I'M GONNA HAVE TO KNOCK SOME HEADS TOGETHER! kthxbai (or something like that)

2. Just relax and try to think about how much it's strengthening your immune system.

3. My smart ass friend Dorth: I've probably just been *crunching really loudly* on salty snacks and I need to lick them clean so I don't get salt all over your papers. LMAO. *snort* XO.

4. Ohhhh gads if there's one thing I can't stomach it's watching people lick their fingers. For any reason. *hurl*

I was at a BBQ and this guy was gnawing his way through a rack of ribs, had BBQ sauce up to his knuckles - not the finger knuckles, his make a fist knuckles, KWIM? He SUCKED the sauce off each and every finger - stuck his WHOLE finger in his mouth and slurped. I had to leave the area, it just about did me in.
Never mind that he's a really noisy sloppy slurpy eater too. Ick.
I always had a printer in my office so NO ONE could touch my papers. People always read things that are none of their business too. It's like "beat it punk and mind your business"

People at work cutting things off & pinching stuff in half ...

When food is put out for the office (either by vendors or colleagues who bake for the office) or during a buffet lunch, why do people cut things in half or tear off parts of food?

First, no one is going to touch the other half of that muffin or sandwich or cookie, especially if it's been torn or pinched. *I* don't know where your hand was before you touched it. And WHY do people sniff all over stuff, then leave it when they don't like how it smells? You sniffed it, you OWN it. You put your grubby lil fingers on it, you're entitled to the whole damned thing. Take. it.

Seriously, just take the whole friggin' muffin, eat what you want and toss the rest in the garbage. Those starving children in India and China won't benefit from you throwing it out.

I asked one of the women notorious for slicing slivers all day (she takes a sliver from one muffin then returns to slice a sliver from a different muffin then returns to pinch from a donut ) to just take the items she wants the first time since no one else will eat what she's been picking from and she refused, telling me she was watching her diet and couldn't possibly eat an entire muffin. Yeah, by the end of the day, she's eaten the sliver equivalent of 4.

Just take the freaking box and go to your desk!! Don't leave your picked over rejects!

The problem with cutting in half is that the person touched the muffin with his or her hand and most times, you don't SEE the person who cut it. You see the remains.

I have been in the ladies room with some of the women in my office and they will come straight out of the stall and walk out of the bathroom without washing their hands.

I've seen people sneeze into their hands and not wash them. People blow their noses, wipe their noses, heck pick their noses and who knows if they're washing their hands before they cut that muffin with the knife?

So no. If I didn't see the person who cut it, I'm not taking it. And if it sits there uneaten (as it usually does since no one ever wants the other half or torn bit) it's wasteful. So why let it sit there and get crusty when you can just toss it in your waste bin or leave it on your desk. Maybe you'll want it later.

Snorting the entire damned day

True story in my dysfunctional and freaky office.

"Tina" the woman who swears every man wants her (moved a guy she met online into her house with her kids 2 months after she met him and he was still married, about to be separated. She told him to move in, don't worry, she'd pay for everything. ) came in this morning in her skin tight capris, newly blonde hair, new glasses and, and, and

*takes break to dissolve into helpless laughter*

sandals she purchased on a business trip to New Orleans and on her feet ... on her feet are french pedicured fake toenails.

*snort* *snort*

They were bright pink and the whitest white you've ever seen this side of bleach and they were looooooooooong. The nails were over the edges of the sandals.

I stood staring fixedly at them as she talked on the phone. I was mesmerized by those talons ... claws ... she wiggled her toes and it was like Freddy Krueger was wiggling his blades. *snort* But I was perversely fascinated most of the morning. She could climb a tree with those things. *snort*

I went over to my manager's office and whispered what Tina had on her toes and my manager as my assistant who came over to ask me if I'd gotten a load of Tina's feet. She was shell shocked.

Well.

Just before lunch, I went over to "Marissa's" area and she was bent over in her chair staring at the floor beside her. She looked up at me like this: then she pointed.

There on the floor was one of Tina's teeny tiny little toe nails. OMG. She was about to leave a trail of them through the office. I looked at Marissa, she looked back at me and we

I went over to Tina's area and said, "Tina, I found something that belongs to you." And I indicated she should follow me. I pointed at the little pink and white nail. She started picked it up, threw her foot up on the edge of Marissa's desk and reapplied it.

When I was headed back to my office, I saw Marissa, scrubbing the edge of her desk with an antibacterial wipe.
The manager said that she was going to file a claim for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because every time she sees a little white piece of paper on the floor, she jumps and freaks out because she thinks it's one of Tina's toenails.

My office.
From 4.18.2005
Man, never a dull moment.